Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
