i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
