Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
