LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
