Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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