I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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