For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
