So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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