Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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