Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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