i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
