Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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