I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
