Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
