Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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