3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
