OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
