If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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