My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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