found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
