her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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