You really coming over, don't trick.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
