Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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