I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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