Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
