I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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