I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
