It's Friday. Sex?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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