When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
