woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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