can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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