Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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