Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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