are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
