she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
