i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
