i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
