proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
