I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
