I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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