Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
