I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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