i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
