whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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