what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
