I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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