hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
