weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize