I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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