i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
