There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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