First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
