wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
