oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize