I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
