Umm I'm too high to move.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
