1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
