Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
