I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
