420 ftw
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
