Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
