I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You need Xanax blowdarts
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
