i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
