ugly people sure do ruin things
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize