Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
