Jerry, you need to find god
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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